1. |
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I am afraid
Every minute, someone whose path I have crossed dies
Regret firmly grasped in both hands
Regret heavy enough to pull both shoulders from their sockets
If only I would just let go
Like money, you can’t take it with you
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2. |
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When I brought you home, you were no longer than my forearm
Riddled with parasites and injury, we brought you back to health
You grew strong and determined
Your anger sent you into a frenzy that Summer day, and you were never the same
Seizures took your strength and your health
The pain of telling her she’d never be a mother
My failure of mind, body and spirit
You were the only child we’ve ever known
Your life matched our marriage
You became weaker and weaker
Sicker and sicker
Laid on a metal table you passed the same way you came in to this world
Your head in my hands
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3. |
Compassion Fatigue
00:52
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In trying to help you find yourself, I have lost a piece of me
If I was blind, I could still read your life story; running my fingers over the scars
Trying to feel something different
Choosing a pain by your hand
All I want is to help you heal
All you want is to survive
Your story becomes my story
I shove its dirt into my mouth
I rub its ashes into my eyes
My ears ring
Stare into the void long enough and it stares back
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4. |
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This is the land of the free, and I am its stepson
I have the freedom of speech but the right to remain silent
The freedom of religion, and the right to be judged for it
“America” is just a word, but I use it
It’s a product
I walk on its ground
I bathe in its water
I eat its food
Drive its machines
I am an American, but what does that mean?
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5. |
Death Cinematic
01:34
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I was too young to understand
You were lying inside of box, dressed to kill
I remember how your face and skin looked
Something wasn’t right
Everyone wearing variations of black
This was the first time I saw my father cry
People I rarely see; all of them crying
It felt like a movie
Now, as a man, death still seems cinematic
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6. |
I'm Taking It All Back
00:22
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Every time our eyes met
Every word spoken
Every touch
Every smile
Every laugh
Every promise made and broken
Every drop of ink
Every curse
Every beat of my raging heart
Every moment of madness
Every fist through every wall
Every bottle emptied
Every lie, and every truth revealed
Everything crushed into the ground
I'm taking it all back
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7. |
My Wall
01:19
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Father forgive me
For I am not who I’m supposed to be
A light in a dark world
My bulb needs changing
I know I’m not as friendly as I should be
I feel guarded
Years of piling bricks to make this wall stand firm
You can’t come in, but you can leave anytime
“Love your neighbor as yourself”
Why is this so hard for me?
When did I become so distrusting and cynical?
I can take a punch, but not a fucking compliment?
Pathetic
I’ll try
I will try
But, please understand… This wall is all I have to protect me
The only thing standing between me, and who I should be
The hammer is in my hands, but I’m afraid to swing
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8. |
People Are Exhausting
00:54
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Eating and drinking and smoking and snorting and injecting and walking and talking and running
People are exhausting
Laughing and screaming and recycling and trying to save the fucking world but failing
People are exhausting
Threatening and gnashing their teeth and scraping and tearing and crushing
People are exhausting
Stabbing and shooting and slicing and punching and kicking and torturing and fucking and raping and sedating and following blindly and itching and scratching and burning and self-medicating and numbing and promising and lying and loving and hating and breeding and swallowing and choking
People are exhausting
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9. |
Happy Birthday
01:32
|
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If I sit still for too long, my mind starts to wander
I’ve always been better at thinking on my feet
Instead of sitting in a chair, flipping through channels and scrolling through feeds
The audacity of boredom
Someone is struggling to find a place in the shade until nightfall
Sweating and stinking in the same clothes for days and weeks
Asking others for anything they can spare
And, we all have plenty to spare
I don’t have to search through trash for sustenance
My bed is soft and clean
I have the luxury to sit in a climate-controlled room and gaze out the window
Choosing whether to take part in the outside world
She stood in the middle of a tourist crowd with a sign in her hand, and tears falling from her head dropped in shame
He sat in a wheelchair under an oppressive Sun for hours with his cup and amputated limb facing the passersby
I had a wallet full of money gained from just being born
I split it between them
Happy birthday
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BRICKS Pennsylvania
BRICKS are Christopher S. Feltner, Ry Sikora and Guillermo Pizarro
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